As inadequate as I felt when I first became a daddy, I'm glad I've been given the opportunity to assume daddy duties over my children.
With Caleb it was easier, after all, I was the confinement "lady". Still, it took a great deal of "letting go" by the mummy, since her natural instinct was protection over the children (yah, even over the daddy). She had to "will" herself to allow me to be the one pacifying him, even though I couldn't do as good a job as her, and took longer for him to quieten down. She had to "teach me how to fish instead of giving me the fish" when I didn't know how to carry him in the most comfortable position (for Caleb and for me) or when I didn't know how to bath him properly. So while she was "suffering" from giving me the chance to be the daddy I ought to be, I was learning (albeit slowly, but better than never).
With Sarah, all seemed easy and wifey didn't even need to "let go", since by then, I seemed pretty adept at the basic tasks. But alas, putting her to sleep was a totally new experience altogether (which is why I still think our blog name of a "new" daddy is still quite apt, cos there's always something new to learn about being parents everyday). You see, the mummy had been putting Sarah to sleep all these while, while I was the one handling caleb at this time (each taking one) and it seemed pretty easy for Gen to put Sarah to sleep. There was a night when Gen went out and I had to put Sarah to sleep when she cried buckets and screamed non-stop looking for the mummy. Even now, when I try putting Sarah to sleep, there's still that period when she'll struggle and want mummy. Her last record was 3 hours of crying and screaming from 10pm to 1am, just a few weeks ago. All that time, the mummy was sitting at the other end of the room (hidden by a separator), heart-wrenchingly allowing me to learn how to put Sarah to sleep on my own. It's getting better, but Sarah and I still need more opportunities to bond in that respect. As Gen mentioned before, I'm currently still Sarah's "play-boy" while Gen is the "comfort-woman". I'm gonna have to try harder to be the "comfort-man" too :)
I'm by no means the most natural at handling children, but through the patient guidance from my wife (yah, she literally orders me to do certain things which I'm not even aware needs doing), I've at least been able to help out a bit here and there.
Here's an encouragement to all wives and mummies... sometimes it's not that the men don't want to assume some duties, it's really because we haven't got a clue where to start. Tell us, and I'm sure the husbands/daddys will be glad to learn (even though it might require you to close one eye, or even both eyes sometimes). Sometimes, we do good, sometimes we do badly or even give up, but encourage us, tell us we did well (just as Gen does most of the time, even though I was practically helpless), cos that will motivate us to try again and again and again. As Caleb says, "You never try, you never know!"
An Afternote From The Mummy:
I don't order Daddy to do things here and there... I prompt him gently and make suggestions (coz after all, I'm the "submissive" wife who (makes weak attempts to be the "Proverbs 31 woman") and acknowledges that Daddy is the head of the family and should be respected. Of course, when things don't go the way I want it, I PROMPT HARDER!...
(Haha, I'm joking lah... I'm really the nice, docile, domesticated wife.... RIGHT DADDY??!)
So what I really wanted to say is that Daddy has been great! He has an extremely teachable heart. Really. Ever since the time I told him that I wouldn't marry him unless he changed, he has been very, very teachable ever since then. I'm the one whom he prays to have a teachable heart all the time now... (I'm working on that area...) But so far, it has worked out for the both of us. I tell Daddy the help I need to keep everybody sane and he has been embracing it with a can-do attitude. And like he said, some days he passes with flying colours and makes me feel so blessed and loved by him. And other days, he just doesn't get it right coz he really isn't a walking encyclopedia of baby care and baby items. But on days like these, we'll just laugh it off or be more patient with each other. Parenting is really a journey that we're walking through together. There are some areas which I'm better at (like baby care) and there are other areas which he is better at (like disciplining and acting as escalation manager and getting the kids to let their hair down).
It's a high calling to want to bring our kids up in a safe, stable and God loving environment and I really can't do it on my own. And I'm sure God didn't intend for me to do it alone too. So I really thank God that I've got Daddy to walk through this journey together.
Really Daddy, you've been an ace and we love you!
